My Paper Tiger: Carl.
Meet Carl. Carl is the voice in my head and Carl...well, Carl is an asshole. Carl is the guy who is constantly whispering in my ear trying to convince me that any possible worst case scenario you could imagine is about to come true for me. That flutter I just felt with my heart? Yeah, that is my body about to drop dead of a heart attack. That headache or stomach ache? Probably cancer. Still single in my 30s? That’s because no one in their right mind would be interested in dating someone like me, so get ready to be alone for the rest of my life. When will people figure out I’m not smart enough to be a professor? Don't forget that I will probably lose my job, have student loan debt collectors come after me, and wind up homeless. Carl is that guy at a party that likes to tell you all the ways that shrimp cocktail could kill you, as you eat the shrimp cocktail, when all you want to do is enjoy the company of others for the next couple of hours.
My relationship with Carl has taken on different forms over the years and is constantly ebbing and flowing. Sometimes he’s pretty soft spoken and easily ignored or dismissed and quite frankly not really present in my life. Other times, like the last few years, he screams so loud and throws so many tantrums that he cannot be ignored and is ever-present every damn day.
Like the proverbial duck on the water who looks calm on the surface, but whose feet are churning a million miles a minute, people’s inner worlds are much the same and that’s really what this series explores. Through photographic tableau My Paper Tiger, Carl recreates moments in my life where I have felt anxious, uncomfortable, or out of place. Whether it’s feeling trapped in a barber’s chair, anxious about getting naked in the school locker rooms, or unexpectedly finding yourself in a movie night make-out session in your high school friend’s basement, my hope is that through humor and shared common experiences, this work can create a space for dialogue about our own struggles with mental health.